The Way of All Flesh

It was such a slow news week that the paper of record was reduced to giving hour-by-hour updates on a dead body:
 I mean, really:
With tweets like that, one can only wonder what the next hyped-up media exacerbation will be.  Some suggestions:
  • Poop flushed down toilet.  Will it make its way to Millbury, or cause a city-wide interruption of sewer service?  Follow its long journey, minute by minute.
  • Large group of people gathered outside City Hall.  Could it be an anarchist protest?  A demonstration in favor of labor rights?  How many police will need to be called — oh, wait, the bus is pulling to the curb.
  • The Mona Lisa smile of Orson the Polar Bear.  When you drive by, is he waving at you or the car in front of you?  An exclusive interview with the famously silent blow-up doll.
  • Massive daffodil colony collapse in the Shrewsbury Street median strip.  A sign of worldwide floral apocalypse, or just the middle of May?  Read our weeklong series to find out more!
 Thank goodness we don’t have to worry about a serial arsonist or anything!