If you occasionally glance at InCity Times or stop by its online version, you may have come across stories/anecdotes/innuendoes about a gentleman whose initials are J.R. Since not all of what’s written in ICT is true (gasp!), I’ll omit reprinting this fellow’s name. Anyway, J.R. was the handyman boyfriend who inspired this column (Proquest link here; find out more about logging into Proquest here).
If you are a regular “Green Island Grrrl” reader — and, really, who isn’t — then you likely know more about J.R. than you do about your uncle Barney.
For instance, we know that J.R. was a constable in Worcester and lost his job as a result of a fight with a police officer. His hobbies, if G.I. Grrrl can be believed, include snowplowing, pouring acid on the tops of cars, and picking up teenage girls outside the courthouse.
Do you need a ticket fixed? J.R. can hook you up.
Tickets are one thing, but broken sidewalks are an entirely different kettle of fish. Concrete & asphalt can be challenging, and even someone of J.R.’s versatility needs help occasionally…and he sought it out from Joff Smith:
When constituent [J.R.] asked Smith to have the sidewalk in front of his house repaired 3 years ago, nothing got done. For 3 years! Just last week did he get results – probably because Joff really needs his vote. He also placed a Joff Smith lawn sign on [J.R.]’s lawn without asking; apparently Joff has been doing this all over the district!
So here’s what I don’t get: is G.I. Grrrl mad at J.R. because he may or may not be a slutty/smutty snowplow guy, or does she occasionally fancy him because he provides her with ammunition to use against Joff Smith? Does G.I. Grrrl keep mentioning J.R. because she’s obsessively angry with him, or because she can’t get him out of her mind?
It’s not that I’m unsympathetic — I have occasionally been guilty of fawning over the “Silver Fox” of T&G columnists or the Worcester City Council’s own Teddy Bear. But they don’t get weekly mentions (usually) and I don’t have a love/hate relationship with them.
While the hot & cold fortunes of J.R. make for entertaining reading, I think G.I. Grrrl might want to seek out professional help to assist in resolving these conflicting emotions. Perhaps then we might enjoy an issue of ICT free of G.I. Grrrl’s on-again/off-again bad boy. Failing that, J.R. might want to invest in some Kevlar.