Why no one wants me as campaign manager

Catchy slogans often help a candidate’s name stay in the mind of a potential voter long enough for her/him to get to the poll and cast their vote for the name they remember best. Rhymes are also helpful, but some candidates are just out of luck when it comes to rhymes. Take, for instance, poor Lew Evangelidis. If he were running for sheriff of Sparta or Athens, perhaps we could come up with something the voters might find catchy. Over here in Worcester County, however, non-Greek rhymers would be stuck with either appendicitis or elitist, depending on how well they know how to pronounce Lew’s surname. Sorry, Lew.

I was also stumped for poor Keith Nicholas. I asked my husband “What rhymes with Nicholas?” and he replied “knickerless”, which means little to New Englanders (old Englanders would know it means “lacking panties”, and it certainly wouldn’t make for a flattering campaign slogan). The only (admittedly lame) thing I could come up with was “Keith Nicholas does the trick, alas”.

Scot Bove is a treasure trove (no pun intended), if we allow for some flexibility in pronouncing his name. If we pronounce the “ove” as in “stove”, we could say “Scot Bove, by jove!”. If we prefer to pronounce the “ove” as in “dove”, we could say “I love Bove!”. And if the “ove” sounds more like the one in “prove”, we could say “On the move with Bove!”. (Are you groaning yet?)

My favorite is to imagine that Scot’s ancestors lost an acute accent at Ellis Island, and that it ought to be spelled Bové. This offers us all sorts of “ay”-sounding rhymes — here’s mine: “Up, up and away with Bové!”

I’d best keep my day job.